2. Weeks.

I am freaking out.

2 WEEKS.  FREAK OUT.

In two weeks I will be on the plane heading to Chile for the next 18 months of my life.  FREAK OUT.

I've never been away from home longer than 3 weeks. FREAK OUT.

Me no speako español! FREAK OUT.

Its really weird going places and thinking "This is the last time I will be here in over 18 months" For example, "Grammy's" house has always been one of my favorite places in the world.  If I haven't been there in the past month or two its been far too long.  I need my monthly dose of family and chocolate chip cookies. The 24th of July was my last time there for a year and a half! STILL FREAKING OUT.

Its fine, sometimes I just sit in my room and cry.  And then I write my missionary a letter to make me feel better.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so so so very excited.  I guess it is just finally starting to hit me that this is for real! I'm actually doing this! And soon! Two weeks from yesterday I will be set apart as a missionary.  Two weeks from today I will board the plane to Chile.  Two weeks from tomorrow I will be in the Chile MTC eating different food, trying to understand a different language, in a different part of the world.  ...... YEP I'M FREAKING OUT

Last night as I got in bed and looked at the half-packed suitcases all over my room I sat there and cried.  I hopped on my computer to start typing an email when I saw "The Fourth Missionary" which was saved to my desktop.

I stayed up for another hour or so and read it.  So good.  For anyone planning on serving a mission you NEED TO READ THIS.

I took a good look at my attitude about a mission and found that for the most part I was headed into the mission with the right attitude, but there are a few things I need to do or change to be the best missionary I possibly can.  I want to be the right kind of missionary, with her head and heart in the right place.  Sometimes I don't adjust to change very well.  I can get really sentimental and I often think back on how life used to be and miss it.  This has been the case for most of my life, especially since Nikora left.  But now, its time to put my old life in a box to be opened only after I get home.  I'm not gonna miss life the way it was or the way it is right now before I leave, because its never coming back.  I'm just going to be happy with life the way it is.  I'm going to do my best to be happy with every part of my life as a missionary.  I'm going to do my best to look forward instead of backwards realizing that my mission is where I'm supposed to be.  So for now, there's no where else in the world I'd rather be than Santiago Chile.  I'm freaking out, but I'm ready.

Cumorah

Well... I believe I mentioned I'd be spending a few weeks in Palmyra New York while participating in the Hill Cumorah pageant.  The pageant has come and gone and I'm left with some wonderful friendships and memories that I will always cherish.

I'm sorry I didn't post more during the month.  We didn't get much time at home, when we did it was usually sleeping time.  And that small amount of sleeping time was often split between actually sleeping and letter writing, emailing, uploading pictures etc.  Not a lot of time left for blogging.  Whoops!

So here is a little glimpse of this awesome experience:

 We started out really tired but excited to start our new adventure. Some of us were so tired that we put our clothes on inside out (*cough cough* DAD).  Oh how we love red eye flights..... or maybe not. We were so tired that we got to palmyra, plopped down on a plot of grass and slept for a few hours.  Yes.  We looked like Hobos.

Of course I had to find the Maori Book of Mormon! Or the "Pukapuka A Moromona" I'm still missing my bestie Nikora can you tell?

 Lets just say spencer likes weird new foods.  Horseradish wasabi anyone?

We sure did work hard.  Falling asleep was a common occurrence.

Everybody at pageant spent their free time with their "cast team" which was determined by age group.  Mine was by far the greatest.  Loved it.  Love them.  I will miss spending my days doing crafts, playing games, and making fun crazy memories with friends. 

I spent a few nights "sleeping" with my friends in the dorms.  I'm not sure if we actually got much sleep, but it was fun!!

One of my favorite parts of pageant was sharing my testimony and a message with audience members before the show.  I love missionary work and I love sharing my testimony that Christ lives and loves us.  Guess who I found? Elder Zachary Harris (a friend from high school) has been serving his mission in New York for about 18 months now, so good to see him!!

I was especially grateful for the 3 opportunities I had to visit the Sacred Grove.  There is an amazing feeling of peace there.  I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph Smith.  And now I can say that I've been there where it actually happened!

Pageant was great.  BUT there was one thing I hated about it.  The ending.  Come on? Why can't we just stay here and do this forever? Ok jk jk I understand it has to end and we have to get back to real life but man I really hate goodbyes.  People come into my life, I love them, and then they have to leave.  Thats just how it works.  I get it. But I hate it.  It happened in high school, summer trips, college, and it even happened with Nik.  Today it happened with pageant, I had to say goodbye to these great friends.  Most of us will be serving missions over the next two years which means we won't see each other for a while, God be with you till we meet again! 

I'm so grateful for this opportunity.  It gave me the emotional and spiritual boost I needed.  It helped me to realize why I'm going on a mission, and how much I'm going to love it.  It helped me understand what Jesus is like and how much I want to be like him.  My heart has truly changed and I'm ready for the next big step!

I can't wait to get out there and serve at the same time time as my best friend. My testimony of missionary work has grown over the last few weeks and I'm so blessed to have so many people I love out serving the Lord.  

Bring On The Adventures!!

I'm ready.  I can't say that enough.  Its time for a new adventure, new places, new faces.  I'm ready.  I've been ready for a looong time.  And finally its almost here!! Tomorrow night I will be off to New York for a few weeks, it couldn't come any sooner!!

For now I'm just trying to pass the time without getting overexcited.

So I've been sitting in my room writing emails to a favorite missionary of mine:

And passing even more time taking silly pictures with my little brother.  I think we are all a little restless to leave. 

I'll be sure to post plenty of pictures, but for now I'm checking out!!

Temple

I had the opportunity to go to the Oquirrh mountain temple yesterday! It was my first time going since I received my own endowments two weeks ago.

The feelings I get at the temple are indescribable, I'm so blessed to live so close to so many of them!

Overall I was just impressed by the importance of family.  I know that this gospel is centered around that!

Emotions.

Today has been emotional.  I could end the blog post right there.

BUT... if you want to keep reading about the details feel free... just know that it might not make any sense... and there is probably far more written about Nikora and my feelings than you'd ever want to know.

Sooooo I got to talk to Nikora today.  BEST DAY EVER.   So then why have I been crying on and off all day? Answer: Because I'm a girl. An emotional girl.

My day started at 5 am.  Full of worries, confusion, apprehension, excitement. I missed my test yesterday and wasn't sure how I was going to fix it with my professor today, hence the worry.  Then I let my mind wander through all of the possible things that could go wrong and stop me from talking to my best friend (i.e. what if talking to him is just too sad? what if its too happy?what if he doesn't want to talk to me? what if he doesn't remember me? what if I get hit by a car on my way over there and can't make it because I'm in the hospital? what if an elephant steps on my car while I'm driving and I get stranded on the freeway?) Obviously some of my worries were more reasonable than others.... and none of them actually happened

Needless to say, I did not get stepped on by an elephant.

I made it to Nik's house and the wait began.  It felt like a year before the call came from Elder Anderson. As soon as I heard his voice the tears began flowing again.  I have the amazing ability to feel many emotions at once, sadly I do not have the ability to keep ANY of them in.  I was happy, relieved, excited, sentimental... but most of all it was just good to hear his voice.  Its funny how well you can know a person but how poorly your mind can imagine them.  I don't know if that makes any sense but often times I try to think of where Nik is and what he is doing and I can half create it. But I can never fully imagine what it feels like to be with him or talk to him.  That is only a feeling I can get from actually interacting with him.  It was so good to remember what it feels like to have a best friend. I can't even tell you how good it felt.

Nik got to call twice, in-between calls I took a nap and cried in Nik's basement.  Sooo many memories down there.  Whether it was talking for hours, watching movies, working on homework projects, etc we were almost always spending time down there.  I fell asleep crying but I woke up to these cute puppies scratching at the door.  Sam and Frodo, they always know how to make someone feel better!

I'll spare you the details of the next long call, all I have to say this that it was WONDERFUL.

Aaaaaaaand saying goodbye was really hard....

I went on a walk by the lake afterwards and just reflected on everything I was feeling.  I felt a little numb during the drive home.  When I got back to provo waterworks began again and I've cried harder than I have in 41 days.  Only 22 months left.  I can do anything for 22 months.  

Mission Envy.

As you all know, I take particular delight in writing this kid:

Isn't he cute? 

I love writing him and I am so very happy for him, but in all honesty I am green with envy.  I wish we could switch places.  At the moment he is training to be a missionary and in less than a week he will be off to Germany to serve the Lord.  I have a severe case of Mission Envy. 

I am ready to get out of Provo and do something even better with my life!! Hearing about all of Elder Anderson's experiences just make me want to get out there and get started!

I'm stuck living normal life without him and he is feeling the spirit and serving others 24/7! Jealousy!!

I visited his family like I mentioned in this post.  They posted some pictures from our visit, I figured I'd share! 

Nik's countdown chart may be a little empty now (in fact I cried when I saw how empty it was) BUT eventually time will pass, I'll focus on other things and before you know it I'll be writing some sappy post about how happy I am to have my best friend back!!

This is the painting I did for Nik's family!! I was flattered to see how much Nik's family liked it.  I was not expecting them to think it was that great!! 

Hopefully I'll get to see them all again when Nik calls from the airport.  I can't wait until it is my turn to leave!!

Ready.

Life has been busy, fun, emotional, rewarding, stressful, and a bunch of other things.  I've been experiencing lots of change and I can't say that I'm always the best at handling it, but as I've tried my best to accept change as God's way of preparing me for the things to come it has all been a little easier.  

I went through the temple on Tuesday! This was one change I was happy to make, I can't wait to go back again there was such a wonderful feeling of peace there that I haven't felt anywhere else!

The best part about it was getting to go through at the same time as my sister.  I'm so glad that through all of this preparation for the future I have someone else to do it with me!!

What a blessing it was to have so many family members there with me! I love that this gospel is centered around eternal family relationships!

As I take each step towards getting ready for my mission I can't help but get impatient to leave.  Its funny how Heavenly Father gives you experiences and trials to help you know that it is time to let go of life here and dedicate your life to serving others for a while.  

I feel like Nik leaving was the first step. Then realizing that I'm sick of school and need a break.  I love BYU and I love Provo but as all of my friends have been leaving and things have been changing I have realized that for now, theres nothing left for me here, I NEED to go on a mission.  I love socializing with a bunch of college kids but for the first time I don't really want to as much.  I just want to go dedicate my time to the Lord.  Instead of staying out till 3, going out to eat, and hanging out with friends I've been researching my mission, reading my scriptures, going to the temple, and writing Elder Anderson.  When Kyrstin would rather have quiet time than social time, its a sure sign that its time to go.  I am ready.  Maybe not completely prepared, but emotionally, I'm ready.