First: I apologize for going AWOL for the last little bit.
Second: I know I probably apologize for that at the beginning of every blog post.... I'd like to say things are going to change, but lets be honest... they probably won't.
Third: I apologize for this REALLY long post, I just want to write to get my feelings out, I want to remember things that happen in my life, and if anyone is interested I love letting people know about whats going on.
Fourth: WOW this last week was a CRAZY week.
I think I finally understand why people say BYU is hard. Fall semester finals week was tough....more like horrid. But that was because I had a terrible fever all week and I was walking around campus like a zombie, not because the criteria was actually hard (except CS 142 of course... programming = not my thing). This last week was a big eye opener, I looked at the things I had to get done, and the time I had to do it and just the thought brought me close to tears. Last week = ROUGH.
Amidst all of my papers and assignments, the one that was really on my mind was the "Create Value" assignment for Intro to Entrepreneurship. It was so much harder than I thought it would be but I really think I learned A LOT. The point of the project was to create value from a plain old rock by trading for something bigger and better. My roomie Caitlin and I were on a team and decided to donate whatever money we generated to charity. We made lots of plans, and lots fell through, by the middle of the week I was in tears over the overwhelming inadequacy I felt.
Perhaps this is a feeling many BYU students experience, among so many talented, beautiful, and successful people everything I've done in the past that made me feel accomplished now seems small, insignificant, and mediocre. Everyone plays piano, everyone was an SBO, everyone competed in DECA, everyone does a million other things, everyone here is AMAZING.... Its hard not to feel lost in the thousands of totally incredible people.
Why did I start feeling this way? Because of this business assignment. Hundreds of kids were doing this assignment competing to create the most value. The more teams I saw on the news doing cool things to create value the more discouraged I became. I want to make it into the Marriott school of Management and do great things but if I can't even compete with my entrepreneurship class then how can I possibly compete with the hundreds, even thousands of applicants for admission to the business school? I guess I was just sick and tired of not accomplishing something, I don't want to be mediocre, I want to do big things. I want to help lots of people, go lots of places, and accomplish everything I possibly can. I don't want to settle for average.
BUT... it was looking like I would end up with average (or below average) performance on this assignment and because of it I would be fighting to get a decent grade for the semester.
This is where the thank you's come in.
First: Big thanks to Alicia Westra for starting my project off with a one hour photography gift certificate. It was a HUUUUGGGE boost, Here are a few of my senior pics that she took:
Next, a big thank you for my dad. We were having no luck moving further with our project and my dad really helped us out, thank you!!
And finally, I can't even express my thanks enough for Nikora and the rest of the Anderson family. Holy crap I have an amazing boyfriend, and wow his family is incredible. I love them. SOOOO much. I told them about what I was trying to do and they stepped right in and helped me to raise over a thousand dollars for my project. They picked up trailers, collected donations, housed all of the donations in their garage, and supported me through my crazy stressful week. I love these people so much and I am so inspired by their never ending efforts to serve everyone around them. I hope that one day I can be as dedicated to serving others as they are!!
After all of this and working straight up to the deadline, Caitlin and I frantically submitted our assignment 3 minutes before it was due.
Today, they announced the results for my class. As they began talking about the amazing things people in the class had done and the amazing value created from a rock, I shrunk in my seat and once again started feeling like a failure. What value had I created? Surely nothing in comparison to what everyone else had created.... Then shockingly Caitlin and I won 3rd place. I just about fainted. No joke.
Then, as I thought through this crazy week, all of the insecurities I had, all of the prayers I said, and all of the things I was able to get done, I realized just how aware Heavenly Father is of us in our lives. He knows you and everything about you. He knows me too. He knows my fears, he knows my dreams. He knows how inadequate I felt, and how badly I just wanted to accomplish something worthwhile again. He knows how trying to get into the business program scares me but how desperately I want to study at the Marriott school. He knows me and what I need more than I even do. And that is something I am incredibly grateful for. I can't thank Him enough for the amazing opportunities I will have because of all of the wonderful people who helped me place in the create value competition. I will get to have lunch with some of the most succesful business professors/entrepreneurs in the BYU Rollins center advisory board (some of the most INSPIRING people I have ever met) where I can ask questions, network, inquire about internships, etc. Agh I'm so excited and grateful and happy. Idk how everything will work out but I am truly humbled to see the way Heavenly Father has shaped this last year of my life. I am heading in a completely different (but wonderful) direction than where I thought I would be headed as I anticipated leaving for college last year. What a blessing that is.
